A year in forgiveness
A year ago I awoke to Jesus speaking to me. In that in-between sleep and awake time is when Jesus sometimes speaks to me (maybe that is when He can speak to me without me interrupting). On this particular morning it didn't seem to be any different than any other morning with the exception that the hot summer days had given way to a cool western breeze. As I lay there, my mind wondering back and forth from sleep to awake, I hear Jesus say " prepare to leave this world". Those words rang in my ears like a mega phone. Immediately I was fully awake, jolted from my half asleep state to a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts as to what that meant. The first thought was that I'm dying! This is it, I'm done for! But, before I could get all my invites out to my self-imposed pity party, a calm assurance settled over me and I realized that death was not what He was implying. That was not important anymore as I was enjoying this calmness. I am thinking that I could stay here forever in this calm stillness that seems to permeate every part of my soul.
Then impressions of all the unforgiveness and grievances that I have so willing hidden and stored away came rushing through my mind like a flood. And then I heard Him again saying "these are the things you can't take with you to the place where I am taking you. Now you will be able to let them go." From that moment on I have been able to forgive easily and physically feel it leave my soul. Wow! Finally I am free from the burden that I so willingly placed on myself. I truly understand for the first time what it feels like to be free from my own hatred. I can let these burdens go that have held me back for so long. I am free!
Flash forward 1 year
Now 1 year into forgiveness I know what it feels like to be unburdened from my own selfish storehouse of grievances. It was like a dark place where I would go to relive all the terrible actions that I thought others had done to me. I liken it to a dark and musky room deep in my soul where only me and my unforgiveness were welcomed. I would go there often during those days and play with my nasty thoughts of revenge. It was a place where I could hide all the wrongs that I could imagine. When I would leave I would shut the door and proclaim forgiveness but secretly I would keep the key to that door. It seemed like a never-ending cycle that I was trapped in. One moment I would forgive and the next I would be reliving all the pain that I so easily stored in my secret room.
Now, a year later it is over. That room is a faint memory. All that remains of the room is a memory of the burden that I placed on myself. It is gone and I am free. I know now what forgiving is. It is the unburdening of your soul. It is setting yourself free from the past. It is realizing that you are free from the pain of self imposed hurt. You are free!
To truly forgive means I relinquish any form of attack. I do not want revenge. I only want the best for others.
Next!
JUDGEMENT!!!
